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Fucked up my second and last chance to study in UST. Needless to say, I'm thoroughly depressed. I don't know, I wish I had somebody to talk to about this, somebody who understands but I don't. No, not really, I just really want to talk to Patrick, maybe he could save me from all this but I really don't think it's gonna turn out well, so I won't bother anymoar. 

Last summer, I promised myself that this school year, I'm gonna turn things around, find another best friend, improve my grades, and never fail anything. Funny how I did exactly the opposite of those things. Fuck my life so hard.

It's not like I didn't try my best or because I was stupid, I just never really got around to attending my classes, and I really wish I could give a very valid reason like my grandmother dying or something like that (Heaven forbid!) but the only excuse I have is because... I felt alienated. Isolated. Two of my best buds (Baja and Patrick) have already left UST, and whenever I try to mingle with people or make friends, they just fall short of my expectations, even when they aren't really set that high. 

To put it simply, I lacked inspiration to haul my lazy goddamn ass to school. Because truth be told, it's a lot easier to go to school knowing you're gonna spend it with your friends. I know it's really shallow but whatever, I'm a really stupid person after all, taking back what I just said a paragraph ago. 

Why am I like this? Jesus Christ man. 

I am also starting to lose hope that I'd ever find anybody who could even come close to Patrick or finding a best friend. I guess I really am meant to be forever alone in this life. God. That sounded so pathetic. No. I am not accepting that. I don't want to look back and say "The bestest friend I have ever had in my life screwed me over for a girl" 

I know that guy is still out there, I just have to believe.


Wow! I sidetracked a lot, anyway, I wish I could tell you where I'd go from here but it's anyone's guess. I mean, I honestly don't have a goddamn answer. Maybe my dad would kill me, maybe I'd transfer to another school, maybe I'd work in a call center, maybe on my way to school the bus I'm riding in suddenly crashes and then I cease to exist (Keeping my fingers crossed for this one), or maybe through some bizarre divine miracle --- I get to stay in UST.

I don't know and I'm really scared, frightened like I've never been in my life. I wish things would instantly get better but I know life just doesn't go like that. I need to man up, grow some balls and face the consequences of my action. Or rather, my stupidity. 

I'm even turning to God this time. I constantly pray that things would get better, pray that I still get to stay in UST because I want to so bad,  and pray that he finally sends a best friend down my way. Or maybe who knows, maybe God has planned something much better for me, explaining why everything is going wrong in my life.  I know that's something a Jesus freak would say but I assure you I'm not, I just think that there's nothing wrong with asking for a little more help because I need all the help I can get. 

To end this wall of text, I'm gonna say the following words with a vigorous zeal:

College Dropout

Hey Livejournal.

It's been a while. Sorry but I've moved on to greener pastures, aka Tumblr since it's so much fun there. Anyway, I've decided to just use this blog to vent out feelings that are too overwhelming for my Tumblr and besides this blog has kept me company from 4th year high school through 1st year college, yeah, I've grown quite attached to it.

Let me start by filling you guys on what has happened since my last post here. 

Patrick and I are no longer friends. We had this major MAJOR fight that went on for about two months which all started when he dated this chick called Jessica. Not that I was jealous of Jessica or gay for Patrick as others presumed, it was because I felt REALLY unappreciated and REALLY left out during the time they were dating. In retrospect, I acted so inappropriately mean towards them. It even got so bad that they almost broke up because of what I said. Honestly and this is a fact I've never really told anyone, I wanted to end my friendship with Patrick before our fight even happened because I've realized that I was slowly losing who I am/my identity during the last stretch of our friendship and it wasn't healthy for me anymore, nor was it fun. And that's why I acted so mean towards them, so that I could finally have a reason for me to stay away from him because God knows that I can't really say no to him, that's how much I used treasure him. The only time I truly gave up and let him go was when he told me I was ruining his life and that was it. Our last talk. 

It's been 4 months since that happened and I haven't really found anybody who could replace him. I'm starting to doubt if anybody can fill in the void he has left, but hey, I'm coping. 

Okay, getting really sleepy now. Ending it here, a lot more has happened but I'll save it for another post. Until next time, my seemingly empty Livejournal.

I could tell you guys the story behind this picture but then you'd be like "OMG!!! YOU'RE SO GAY AND YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE BOYS EEWWW EWWW EWWW" so I'm just keeping it to myself and keeping the picture here to remind myself to never let delusional/psychotic thoughts run amok in my head.  

Hey God, I think I want this dewd in my life forever, Oh and his brother too. No, not because of a gay threesome if that's what you guys are thinking, but because they're just too awesome to take for granted. Seriously. I'm not even kidding. 

I told you guys this would be gay. I think I'm gonna barf rainbows for the next few hours. UGH. I need to do something manly. *watches porn* then *censored*
Whew. Neglected this little space again. I've been meaning to write a post but the last past few weeks have a been a really rocky emotional roller coaster ride; as cliche as it may sound. There just wasn't any consistentsiii(?!). One day I was high and mighty, happy as a kite, another I was down in the dumps. You get my drift. In a nutshell, the past few weeks had been like that, that's why it was really hard to write a post, there wasn't a single emotion I could focus on.

So anyway, I passed all my subjects this term. All except for one, I still have a bright bold "INC" grade in English. I need to talk to talk to my professor but ugh. . . She's harder to hunt down than a fucking ninja. I hope she passes me though, I don't want to take an EASY subject twice. Please?

With no summer classes and no moolah, summer '10 has been dragging on so lazily, the hours in a day are just too far apart, it takes forever for it to become tomorrow and I hate that stupid fucking feeling. Although, since summer started, me and my BOORAHTHERE have hung out a few times and it was actually really nice. It's one of the few things that's making summer bearable. I really love that dude. Bromance/gay-porn-in-process(stares menacingly at Frhaine) at it's finest. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for more days like those.

HESUKRISTO! Whenever I write a post, man do I get sleepy. I wonder why. Keeping the story at that. Eventhough, I could tell a lot more. *Yawn*

Being random in bullets.

Because I can't write in understandable paragraphs, I'll be updating in bullets again. 
  •  First and foremost, I only need to score 20 points on the final exam in geometry to actually pass it. FUCK YEAH! Knowing that really gave a major case of the happies last Saturday. That scratches off one math subject. I hope the same happens to my Physics. I don't want to have summer classes, It's fucking 32 degrees here and it's too hot to function for chrissake.
  •  I think I might have established a bad boy image in school; I tend to be really lazy when it comes to school work, when the opportunity to cheat comes, I always take it (hehe!),  I always arrive late for the first subject, I play the PSP in class whenever the professor starts being boring (which is always), and along with a lot more reasons that I can't really write on this journal. So far this school year, no one has really depended on me for answers. A complete opposite of how I rolled or rather, how I was in High school. 
  • RAWR! Last two weeks of froshman college. *)_#*@_*!*#@#*!@#_)&@$ I can't believe it went so fast. 
I'm sleepy, so I'll just STFU and leave it at that.

Only because I'm bored.

A - Available: Pretty much.
B - Best Friend: Neil Patrick Ramos<-BOORAHTHERE!
D - Dad’s Name: Step*mumbles-the-rest*
E - Easiest Person To Talk To: Frhaine! XD and uhm Patrick. 
F - Favorite Food: Lasagna <3 and Pizza and Tacos and Hotdogs and Burgers and Fries. The list goes on and on. . .
G - Gummy Bears Or Worms: Bears most definitely, I never seem to get enough of them.
H - Hometown: Pasig, Manila.
I - Instrument: None.
J - Job: Being a subpar student.
K - Kids: I want two. Or three. Or four. IDK really, just as long as the sex is fun. I am bad kid.
L - Longest Car Ride: 7  at most. 
M - Milk Flavor: Chocolate I guess.
N - Number Of Siblings: 3. 
O - One Wish: To own a DS-fucking-LR. 
P - Phobias: None that I can think of. I AM A MANRY MAN.
Q - Favorite Quote:  When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.
R -Reason To Smile: Family and Friends and DotA.
S - Song You Last Heard: Two is better than one. Current LSS. Don't ask. 
T - Time You Woke Up: 10 something.
U - Unknown Fact About Me: I have been an insomniac for most of my life.
V - Vegetable: AMPALAYA!! I hate that stupid little green turd. 
W - Worst Habits: Playing too much to the point of having a burnout. 
X - X-Rays You’ve Had: Chest.
Y - Your Favorite Pastime: Mastu-uhm. Playing games.
Z - Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius. 

Am I the only one who noticed that there wasn't a C there. What a fucking shame to the alphabet.

All farce.

I keep going back and forth to this journal. I want to post something but I can't really think of anything. I'm sailing through smooth waters recently; If I keep my acads out of the picture. I don't even want to talk about it, it's just really. . . Ugh. 

Fuck, it's already 2 A.M. And I have two quizzes tomorrow and an oral presentation. But fuck those, It's all going downhill anyway. ASDJPPU@JKAD_#@!#*_!#.

To end things, here's a picture to LOL at:

I have met my long lost boorahthere!! Thank God for another awesome person on this planet. Your argument is invalid!

Lame post didn't make sense did it?

Words better left unsaid.

I'm basically on my tipping point right now when it comes to dealing with you; Long story short, I've had enough of your bullshit. 

I don't want to talk about you since it's making me miserable and depressed. So yeah, fuck you and good luck finding people who can actually tolerate your bullshit. 


Something broke my heart this day. I don't really want to spill the beans on this one, It's something academic related if that could satisfy your curiosity. 

Talked to my best friend about it, he gave one useless advice then proceeded to make his problem the center of our conversation. It's really frustrating on my part since I thought he was the best person to just let it all out. He did it so wrong that I was bluntly remote during the entire span of our conversation; He should have consoled me and told me that everything is gonna be okay. 

"Don't worry dude, if it ever comes to that, I swear, I'd accompany you no matter what happens" Is what he should have said.

Why can't anyone get me?

I'm only making a big matter out of this since that fucking problem is pulling me in hundred different directions. I feel so angry at myself for even letting it happen in the first place. I just really don't know how to feel anymore. 

I need a hug.

Update in bullets.

I have really neglected this tiny little speck on the interwebz. I just didn't feel like sitting down and writing recently, and because of that I think I may have lost a little creativity in a literary sense as my recent posts are littered with the same phrases/words. It's actually really annoying if you were to proofread my posts.  

Besides all that hoohah, here's what's a-buzzing in my universe: 

  • Patrick and I grew closer this new year, despite the fact that he was unbearably disconnected during the holidays, I guess telling him how fucking disappointed I was in him when he did that really put things on track. We've been talking to each other a whole lot now; if you were to check the inbox of my phone, a long string of messages coming from him would greet you, and it doesn't stop there, he actually talked me out of attending my Filipino class twice already (Rizal isn't all that anyway) Plus, sometimes he'd wait after classes just so we could talk personally. Really fucking amazing. I'm not complaining though since It's always nice hearing from him, he just never runs out of stories and surprises.

  • A recent conversation with him. I just wanna be constantly reminded of this; the only reason why I uploaded it. REALLY EPIC.

  • My acads are pretty fucking bad. I left a lot of blank spaces on the two Math tests I took, as opposed to how the rest of the block had numbers and equations on every space of the paper. I am scared shitless that I might, or rather will, fail those two subjects and be forced to take them up during the summer break. SHIT. I have never ever taken summer classes in my entire life. But on the bright side though, if I do fail and take summer classes, I'll have a steady flow of moolah, meaning, I can save more to buy stuff. Zoo York shoes, be mine this summer <3

  • An improvement in my dotA skillz has been observed. Sweet Jebus, about time I say. My friends now say I am 3/4s of the way to becoming a seasoned/not-a-noob player. HUZZAH!



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